God is the waymaker

 I decided to go get some gas this morning and when I was pulling out of my road I passed my husband. 

Anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldnt get a breath in quick enough. He was coming to drop off the youngest to go to the bus. 

I started getting upset and decided that I was going to go over to my moms , as he had blocked me from contacting him on the phone, and say the things that were swelling up in my heart to say. I got my gas and started on and then GOD told me "Turn the car around and go home. This is my fight. I will handle it"

So I did. 

It wasnt easy. I tried to fight it and continue on but knew immediately that I needed to surrender it to him as I have every time I got anxious or upset. While going home I turned on the song i had found the other day called Way Maker. And I drove in praise worshiping the Lord at the top of my lungs till I returned home. 

The lyrics are so powerful- way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness my GOD that is who you are.

Even when I dont see you working, even when i dont feel you working, you never stop working

Before this journey started I was living in the world and letting my own desires and flesh rule me. I was letting myself take control of a situation that I had no business taking control over. I was allowing myself to reason that I was strong enough to handle this mess. 

I wasnt. No where near strong enough. You have heard the saying "Bless this mess." But what we SHOULD be saying is REDEEM THIS MESS. CLEAN UP THIS MESS I HAVE MADE. FIX THIS BROKEN MESS. 

Ive been surrendering it all to GOD. Not just my marriage. But my life. My money. Everything. Im still going to have worries and doubts but instead of letting my anxiety and depression take hold ( aka the devil) i turn to him and ask for peace and that he continues to hold my hand and guide me through this mess i have made as a human.

Stephanie Jones