Yep you read that title right.
I got my divorce papers yesterday, read them, heart swelled up with hurt, then put them down and prayed over them.
There was a passage in there, and if you have never been divorced ( i have twice as well as my husband has twice) you will not know how truly harsh they make them sound. Its like your soul has been hit with a fireball. But it stated- There is no HOPE of reconcilliation.
I stopped and laughed. I laughed! Why?
Because with GOD all things are possible. I thought well you dont know God now do you. Cause that is what God is all about- hope. Doing the impossible in an impossible situation. He is a way maker, a miracle worker in all things.
One thing that was said to me when he first left two weeks ago was that God had convicted him to get a divorce.
That is one of the biggest lies ever stated. And that lie comes from the enemy. God in fact wants the opposite in a marriage. He wants it to be saved, healed, redeemed. To honor the covenant that was made to him.
But we are of the world. Our flesh desires what our flesh desires. And Satan is extremely crafty and deceptive of what he will speak into our hearts and ears. I woke up this morning and asked God where he wanted me to be in his word today.
I started out in James Chapter 1 Verses 19 to 27 and it talks about holding our anger and not speaking harshly. It was the MAIN issue between my husband and I. We would start arguing and then it would become so hateful and mean that it was like we were trying to one up each other in the who can hurt who dept. And let me tell you there were some extremely harsh things said by the both of us.I would be coming from a place of hurt and anger and would say just about anything to make him mad and hurt like me. Things I didnt really mean and I knew it but i would continue on till I got him so angry at me that he would essentially "blackout" with his anger and then I would realize how I had gone down this path again knowing good and well it was wrong. I would then realize when it got to the point of no return that i had screwed up and would start the "save" mode. But by then it is usually too late. He would beg me to stop and I wouldnt listen. I couldnt. I was so fueled by hurt that I literally just wanted to explode.
Then that led me back to Ephesians Chapter 5 verses 21-33 which talks about how you are supposed to love your spouse and submit to your husband. To love like Christ loved the church.
The truth of the matter is I didnt love and submit to my husband the way Christ wanted me to. I wasnt that safe space for him and that spiritual wife that he could come to. I was a place of unrest and dread. I loved him so much but I was not his joy or his peace in our marriage. And it hurts to have to lay that out there. Im not saying that he is perfect as there are things that fuel the fire and bring it to the boiling level. But I should have stopped and walked away when I got hurt and prayed for kinder words. For grace over what I was feeling to show him grace instead of anger and hate.
We all can control our actions if we want to. But to do that we truly need to be with God and turn it over to him. We can not do things alone. He is the peace that surpasses all understanding. We are ALLOWED to be hurt and feel upset but we are NOT ALLOWED to lash out in that hurt and anger to the person and people we love and that love us. Its a sin. One i have committed so many times in the past.
I pray that if you are going through something that brings such hurt and resentment into your life that you will stop now and give it to GOD and ask him how to speak kinder and handle the issues. He will help you speak out of a place of love and grace.
Stephanie Jones
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