I have said this many times- I have a bit of a control issue.I also have a big issue with patience.
And oh how the good Lord is testing my control and patience now!
Over the past almost three weeks I have changed to a different person. I am still me but I am a new me in that I have given it all to God. All the control, all the praise, all the glory in everything hes doing in my life. That means the good AND the bad.
I do have moments because I am a sinner and I am human flesh where I break down and just sob to God. Last night was a perfect example. I got on my knees in my living room and just let the flood gates open and cried out to God to hear my heart. To hear my pain and give me strength to continue on with him beside me. I cried out to him that I need my husband! I need the man that he had given me to come back. But to come back humbled to God. To come back laying everything at Gods feet and surrendering it all to him.
I dont want my old marriage. I want a new marriage in GOD with him as the lead. I want a new husband in Mike that fully surrenders to our gracious Lord and asks for forgiveness and knows that we need to move forward seeking his guidance in EVERYTHING we do. I know God is working. I can feel it. I have faith and i have hope. I also know that whatever it is that GOD brings to me is what he wants for me. Its hard to sit back and not know whats going on but trusting that the Lord is bringing me a bigger blessing.
Something that happened yesterday made me humbled. I had the opportunity to show Christs love to someone that was having a hard time with her depression. I have been there. I didnt do anything but let GOD use me as a vessel to reach her. And along with her another lady with the same issues. She had made the comment that no one noticed. But GOD noticed! And he used me to show her that. It made me so humbled to know im being used for his glory daily.
I went to the scripture and was looking when all this happened. Nothing is fate- its all GODS PERFECT TIMING.
I read about the 100 sheep and the 1 that strayed. That one that strayed was gone to find immediately and then was rejoiced over when found. That is how GOD feels about us. He will leave the 99 to go find you and bring you back to him REJOICING as he does so. Your life is so precious and loved by our father.
Then today I have been shown several passages about faith. Like Jesus walking on water and asking Peter to trust him and come out onto the waves. When he did he was walking toward Jesus and then let fear overcome him and started to sink. He shouted out save me Lord! Jesus grabbed him and said "You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me? Peter knew the Lord was there, he KNEW he was walking on water to him, but let his doubt and fear overcome him instead of just continuing to trust that Jesus wouldnt let him sink.
We do this all the time. We let our own insecurities and doubt take over when we dont SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE ! When we dont see how God is handling our battles and we start to doubt that he really is there. That he really is taking care of us. That he really is working as the way maker and miracle worker he TRULY IS. I know ive done it. We all have.
What I have tried to do is when i feel that doubt start to creep in, I stop and start praying and talking to God. I start to immediately have a conversation wherever I am for him to come and put peace in my heart and take the enemies thoughts from my mind and give me the strength and faith to remember who he is and who is taking care of me.
Matthew 14:22-36
Matthew 7:7
Matthew 7:24
Matthew 8:23-27
God bless!
Stephanie Jones
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