Ive always felt the need to write. When I was in elementary school my teacher told my mom that I had a gift. I was always writing short stories. I loved to put my thoughts into words on paper. Its why I am so much better at using text to communicate then face to face conversations.
My husband always could never understand how I could apologize over a text versus in person and why I did it. The answer was simple- it was easier for me to carefully word what I wanted to say so as to not say anything in anger if i was trying to apologize. It was easier for me to craft a text message and explain things without having to look him in the eye and get flustered and upset all over again.
Probably because half the time I WASNT sorry I was just being manipulative to placate the situation.
Now, I was probably sorry but not in the way I truly needed to be. It was easier to do it this way and save my pride- oh yeah we all have that pride- by having to voice things and look into his eyes and say them.
This is KILLING relationships. It slowly killed mine.
Why? Because we don't take accountability for our actions anymore! What did our parents and our grandparents do before texting???
THEY WENT TO THEIR SPOUSE AND SAID IM SORRY TO THEIR FACE. They owned up to their part of the issue and put their pride aside and forgave even when it wasn't even their fault. Or if it was they put their pride aside and forgave sincerely to let the person know they were sorry.
Communication. Y'all. We lack so much face to face communication anymore. Now I'm not saying if you get into an argument not to text the person and apologize right away. But then you have to save the heartfelt honest I'm sorries for when they return home to you. And mean it.
There was an accident today , tragic with fatalities , and that person will no longer be able to say I love you, I'm sorry, i miss you to their family and friends. Nor will anyone get to say that to them. Life is short. We really have no idea when our last day will be. And i sat there crying a bit because i am unable to tell my husband I love you and i am sorry every day. So i pray to God that he can put it on his heart for him to know just in case its his last day tomorrow that I love him. Or mine for that matter.
We can't get each day back that we go without speaking. Without telling the other person we care about them. And it hurts my heart more than anything. To not be able to tell my babies i love them every day. I am doing what I can to make it known. But i have to rely on God a lot to get that message out to them.
We need more Mayberry and less ( for lack of a better term) Facebook.
More face to face time with those we love and cherish. We need to put down the phones. Turn off the tv. Stop going so fast with work and obligations, and surround ourselves with each others company. Play a board game with the kids, even the 16 year old that thinks its too cool. Cook dinner TOGETHER. Teach our children life skills that they need and we can bond together with- cooking, baking, sewing, etc whatever it is you excel at! Or sit down and color with our babies. Play barbies, do hair together, nails, play with makeup, dress up, whatever they wanna do each night. Plan date nights as a couple and as a family.
So many of these things I did and then i let my world that i was in control of ( lol) get out of control and spiral into being angry and mad and resentful. I wish more than anything to have the chance to do this again. And i pray every night that God gives me that chance.
Be and live in the moment. Make the mess. Leave the dishes for tomorrow. Say I love you more than is comfortable. Take the photos even when you look like you have bed head. For right now memories is all I have.
Stephanie Jones
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