Unconditional Love

 Ive been seeing things a lot - God puts things in front of my face repeatedly to show me things. 

One of them is unconditional love. 

When I met Mike I fell in love with him for who he was, not what he had. I didn't care. Material things were insignificant to me. I knew God had brought him to me and that I was taking him and his girls as he was- and I loved them unconditionally.

Its what he always would tell me that the reason he fell in love with me was that I loved him in spite of the things he didn't have- money, wasn't able to give me gifts and do much, that I accepted and loved him and his girls just as is. He told me that a lot. In fact he told me that not long before this happened. 

One night while he was half asleep he told me " Im so thankful for you in our lives. For all you have done for me and my girls" 

You see, I am a romantic. I want that Disney/Hallmark prince charming that is emotional and loving. And that is not who Mike is. He is logical. Rational. Wants to fix things but not with emotions. He's always said he would try and change. And I'm the exact opposite. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love passionately and with reckless abandon. My love language has always been Acts of Service for those I love and care about. It was never about the money it was always about giving them the things and memories that I knew they needed, wanted, deserved. 

And while on this journey I have realized that God will not give you a spouse that meets all your needs the way YOU want them to. God will give you the perfect one so you might learn to love unconditionally. That you might have to learn that even though they don't do the dishes like you want, or they don't be that romantic movie guy 24/7, that you are to love them unconditionally like Christ loved the church and its people.  And that's one of the HARDEST things to do. Because while you are asking why aren't they like this why don't they do what i want them to do? why aren't they changing. Its because God wants  you to see the person faults and all and love them with reckless abandon in spite of the things they don't do.

Love is a verb. Its not something that you can just sit on a shelf and know it will always be there. You have to work at it daily. You have to put your own pride aside and love them the way they are even with their faults- their fears- their issues. Its work. Hard work. And that's one thing a lot of people can't do. Because when it gets hard, when it gets down to the truly tough situations, the times when you feel like you can't go on because once again they have done something you don't agree with- and I'm not talking about they have hit you again - I'm talking about when their mental health takes over and they start yelling and arguing again. When they once again get frustrated and say hateful things out of character because they are struggling to even like themselves. When they are trying and have slipped up on being kind in the way they parent- that's when you have to dig deep and love them despite all of it. And turn to GOD to help. 

No we don't do that. We throw in the towel and go file for divorce because its just too much GOD!!! This person said they would change. This person said they wouldn't be hurtful again. This person said they wouldn't take another pill. This person said they wouldn't go to the bar anymore. This person said whatever it is that is going. No. We don't give it to GOD and seek him and help. We run. We abandon it because that's when fight or flight sets in. We make rash decisions. 

Im not saying that every situation is like this. But the majority of them are. 

One thing I said to Mike was " We have tried everything but we have not tried giving it to GOD and going to biblical counseling and letting him take control of our marriage" And his reply was Maybe you are right but i just don't care enough to do it. 

And I did. 

So I hit my knees and started praying. And the more I prayed the more anger and hate and bitterness was in him. I knew then that the enemy had a hold on him and was not going to give up without a fight. I turned it over to GOD and have let him lead me every day. I have went to counseling. I have surrendered it all to HIM. And in that came a peace. And the unconditional love I had for Mike has grown every day. Even with him saying the most hateful and hurtful things to me. Doing things that are not of his character. 

My faith and hope has grown even in the destruction Satan is trying to accomplish. He knows that once GOD got ahold of me i was lost to him so he held on tighter to Mike. And he knows once GOD brings him back to his knees and to let go of it all to GOD that he will have lost another marriage and it is driving me mad. So he will do and say and yell loud! So loud you can't help but see it and hear it. But GOD is whispering to me each time. To hold on to him. He's working. He has a plan. He has already won this battle. 

And he's bringing back the unconditional love to Mike in his time.